For those who are confused by the Jamaican-ness of the title, it basically is saying that you shouldn’t let unworthy women take all the good men out there nor should you feel frustrated that it is impossible to find a good man. Now you’re probably still thinking that I fell down and bumped my head with a title like this, but believe me, it needs to be said and here is why:
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about trouble/issues with men, I had to really level with her about today’s male. Here she is, a successful super attractive single mother of two gorgeous children, owns her own home & car, and barely 30. The only thing wrong is that the men that she meets can’t handle her independence. It was poignant that she said to me in no uncertain terms:
Aurie, no matter how successful I am, and although I can live my life to the fullest without a man, I don’t want to be alone.
That really hit home to me to think how she wrestles with this. I told her that even though she doesn’t want to be alone, it is important to be alone for as long as it takes for her growth and progress to take place for the next wonderful person she might meet. I told her that it’s been my experience that when people force things to happen, the chance of success can be doomed from the start. Taking the time to learn about yourself, by yourself, is just as important as learning about someone else. How long does that take? If you have God in your life, it takes as long as it is supposed to take. *You can roll your eyes if you want, but it’s a truth that I know for myself* You can’t put a timetable on these matters to be brutally honest. When it happens, it happens. However, in that time of preparation, your heart, mind, and soul is healing so that hopefully when the right person comes along, you’ll be ready.
The time spent apart from an intimate relationship with another can force you to be intimate with parts of yourself that you may not pay enough attention to which is why negative cycles can continue (i.e. spiritual, mental, emotional, etc.) It takes a lot of time and energy to invest in someone else and if that person isn’t the right one for you, you may not be able to be fair to yourself and subsequently to the other person as a result. As such, you should know your strengths, weaknesses, motivations, goals and if you’re totally confused about these things, then there is work to do. I would not suggest that you have to know everything about yourself before getting into a relationship because that’s just not practical. Having the mindset that you have to nurture yourself is so important. You will already have good habits in place to be able to be a great potential partner with that person and you’ll be able to identify if that person can reciprocate the same. It will be a mutually nurturing relationship with real potential instead of one that is superficial or lacking real substance.
She said that she really was looking for someone like her father, a man who she adores and loves more than anything. The seed of what she wants was planted and is a very good one. This confused her because she says that she can never seem to find those “kind of guys.” This kind of guy is “manly” -I read that as chivalrous – and somewhat old fashioned even though we all know that the role of men and women has shifted tremendously since the 1950s (for example).
Since I was speaking to a female friend from my own perspective, I decided to quantify my experience with the way I see today’s man. There are some men who are:
- Angry Chauvinist – Men who refuse to accept that women are equal and lash out against change in a way that is more often destructive than constructive (the man that wants a woman to stay in a place that is more than submissive but subverted.)
- Weak – Men who say the heck with it and allow strong women to walk all over them because they lack backbone. (the one who is just fine with a sugar momma, etc.)
- Balanced – Men who are still true leaders, but realize that the role of a man is now broader than before because women are participating in all parts of society instead of a select few roles. As such, it requires inner determination and security in oneself in order to feel self worth.
Of course this is by no means all of it, but for the purpose of this discussion, these were more than appropriate to highlight. A man should feel a burning desire to provide, protect, satisfy *wink*, and have a sense of ultimate responsibility in a relationship. These characteristics can take different forms now that we live in a different world than before. In Western culture however, a woman makes her choice as to which man she wants to ultimately be with. That freedom of choice comes with the responsibility to be in total commitment in all situations and that requires submission which takes a strength & self-worth/esteem that seems to be depicted as unimportant.
Total commitment doesn’t mean that she will be silent or not brave enough to step up in situations where the man is gone, wrong or out of order. There is a real difference. Submission is a dirty word today because it has been propagated as any number of things that it should not be. Submission does not mean abuse. Submission does not mean slavery. Submission does not mean not equal. A mission is defined by the role of the actors/actresses who participate towards a common goal or agenda.
Submission should only mean: Under the mission.
She is under a mission that she freely chooses because of who she chose. She is under a mission that is shared by both man and woman. The man is ultimately responsible if the mission fails regardless of how roles are divided. That mission is to spend the rest of your lives together and leaving an ultimate legacy that should be cherished and pleasing to God rather than anything else. If the correct context is used, then the understanding will not be flawed and the communication needed to have a great life together will be of utmost importance. Roles in the modern family are different, but that man is responsible for his spouse and that spouse is responsible for unwavering support and the ability to share a vision together that will be fruitful for their family over the course of their lives.
Sharing this point of view with my friend was super helpful and so I decided to share as well.
Peace and Blessings