I’d like to take this time to bring this up because it is a cause that is near and dear to my heart. The amount of “ashiness” is on the rise and estimates say that it could reach epidemic proportions if we stand aside and allow this travesty to occur. I mean seriously, look at poor Ashy Larry from Comedy Central’s Chappelle Show. Would you let this happen to you? Exactly!!
We must do something. So here is my proposition:
Out of the sheer goodness of my heart, I propose that I should create a foundation called the”Keep The Ash Away” Foundation. It is a huge initiative to have everyone lotion themselves properly and frequently. We are looking for financial support for this immediate and important cause. All donations of a financial nature will go towards buying huge encashments of lotions, skin oinments, & oils. We’ve got to get rid of this ash. Crusty elbows, knees, hands, & ankles have got to go!!!
Won’t you help? Your small donation of $0.25 cents per month is all it takes. You can text A-S-H-Y on your mobile phone to S-K-I-N. That’s only $3 per year. Won’t you help? The little you do can really make a big difference. Remember this ailment has no color, creed, religion, or national border. We need your help.
I am thinking focus groups, national media campaigns, getting K.T.A.A.F. dispensers in the school systems, and dropping hand lotion across the states that have crazy winters (especially Ohio).
Also see this post by Radio Ventriloquist on this subject.
Now in all seriousness, please lotion yourselves before going out in public. You may hurt someone you love if they are seen with you. My lotion solutions are at the Experience Aurie Store located on the sidebar.